An Introduction to Managing Conflict

Introduction

Today’s topic is conflict.  While there are people that seem to thrive on conflict, I suspect that many more try to avoid it in their personal and professional lives.  But whenever people get together and engage in a common activity, like work, conflict is inevitable. This is especially true when the people are highly committed to their objectives.  And rather than avoid it or attempt to eliminate it, we, as managers, need to learn how to channel conflict into constructive action. 

In the midst of a global pandemic, people are being subjected to many new stresses that may make them more prone to argue or disagree, so you may be seeing new conflicts appear where none existed before.

Our goal is not to eliminate conflict.  An environment where everyone agrees on everything is impossible to achieve, and can actually be harmful to your organization.  Saj-nicole Joni and Damon Beyer reported in the Harvard Business Review that that complacency – an environment where people are afraid to rock the boat – is “the single greatest predictor of poor company performance”.  At the other end of the spectrum, our common sense tells us that a work place filled with conflict would be a miserable place to work.  We want to strike a Goldilocks balance – not too much, not too little.  Just the right amount.

The topic of managing conflict could cover dozens of topics with hundreds of scenarios for illustration.  In this article I want to introduce some basic concepts and actionable ideas that can help you identify and address conflict situations within your team.

Two Types of Conflict

For today’s discussion, we’ll think about two types of conflict and how to distinguish between them.

Constructive conflict focuses on ideas – proposals, plans, problems to be solved or decisions to be made – any topic where people may have legitimate differences of opinion.  When people engage in constructive conflict, they are often looking for a better solution or outcome than they could imagine individually.  They are engaged in a win/win dynamic.

Dysfunctional conflict focuses on people and personalities.  Confrontations are more common than discussions and may include insults or personal attacks.  The dynamic is win/lose.  Left unchecked, dysfunctional conflict can contribute to employee turnover and a toxic work environment.  

Preparing to Deal With Conflict

Unresolved conflict saps your energy and that of your team.  It interferes with productive work and can derail your efforts to deliver the results expected by your organization.  As a manager, you have a responsibility to see that conflicts are resolved.  

When deciding to intervene in a conflict, there are several preliminary steps you can take to assess the situation and determine the right way to proceed.

First, make certain you’re actually dealing with conflict.  One of my former colleagues, an experienced program manager, suggested that “you have to identify whether you’re dealing with conflict or just bad behavior.”  Her point is valid.  If the problem in your organization is an individual who is behaving badly, your action should be to provide feedback and coaching in a 1-on-1 meeting.

Second, consider whether you need external facilitation.  If the conflict has been highly emotional or has occurred over a long period of time, you may want to find someone to lead or help facilitate the conflict resolution.  If you, the manager, are not a neutral party, you should enlist someone else to mediate the discussion.  In some situations, this could be a manager from a different group.  In more difficult cases, or if you don’t feel prepared to lead the resolution conversation yourself, I recommend that you ask a more experienced colleague or your HR department for guidance and assistance. 

Third, if you have previously developed a set of team norms, it may be useful to review them to ensure they provide guidance for your team on handling conflict.  If your team has not adopted a set of norms, doing so can help establish an atmosphere of respect that will be needed in resolving conflicts.  (See the article “Establishing Team Norms” for suggestions on how to do it.  The Sample Team Norms page also has several examples related to conflict management.)

Ten Tactics for Constructive Conflict

Here are ten actionable ideas that I and other managers have used to approach conflicts in a constructive manner. 

1. “Put the corpse on the table.”  The critical first step is to acknowledge the issue or problem. In order to constructively deal with a conflict, it has to be out in the open.  I learned this from a manager I worked with years ago on a major change initiative.  If we had a conflict situation, he wanted it to be the first topic of conversation.  “I know we disagree on this topic today, but I want to look for a mutually agreeable solution – a win/win.”  In his view, there was no sense in trying to move forward if an unresolved conflict existed.  He never tried to ignore the “elephant in the room”.

2. Define the issue, in detail.  Once you have acknowledged the issue, the next step is to understand it.  Whether the conflict is between two people or a larger group, have a conversation and get into the details. it.  Write down what you hear in a way that everyone can see (flip chart, white board, etc.).  Get the opinion of everyone involved.  This may require some prompting.  (“John, I know you have an opinion, but you’re being quiet today.”)  If people are reluctant to engage, you could start by offering a partial definition and asking them to react.  Depending on how well the group knows one another, this could be an uncomfortable discussion.

3. Restate what you hear.  As you conduct the discussion, you want to capture ideas using language that is simple and specific.  Repeat and rephrase as needed to ensure that the meaning is clear.  (“Susan, Iet me play back what I think you just said.”)  By eliminating ambiguity, you clarify your own understanding of the issues and help ensure that everyone in the discussion also understands.  

4. Separate the issues from the personalities.  You have to stay focused on the problem, not the people.  Shannon Miles, a co-founder of Belay , a virtual staffing firm, uses this technique with her team

When conflicts arise in our business, we encourage the team to look at whatever they’re arguing about as the problem, not the person they’re arguing with. So what we say is, you put the issue on one side of the table, and then the team gets on the other side of the table together and looks at the issue and let that become the problem, not the person on your team. ¹  

5. Look for points of agreement.  Particularly in group discussions, there will often be multiple points that most participants agree on.  Highlight these for the group.  These are small wins that can help create a sense of momentum toward a solution.  As you restate or rephrase the comments, you may discover agreements that were hidden because team members have been misinterpreting each other.

6. Try describing the ideal solution.  This can help the participants shift their attention from the current problem to thinking about how to solve it.  Ask them “What would an ideal solution look like?” and capture the ideas that are generated. Follow up with “What prevents us from doing that?”.  If you and your team can’t see the path to doing all of it, can you agree on some of it?  Again, small wins can help move you forward.

7. Pace yourself and provide time for reflection.  If you can’t resolve everything in one sitting, agree to keep talking.  Give yourself and the team time to walk away and think about things, but set a specific time and date to reconvene.

8. Restate the agreement or resolution when you reach it.  Ask each participant individually if they agree with the direction.   If there are still dissenters, back up and address their concerns.  It is not necessary to reach complete consensus and accommodate every point of view, but each person should feel like their concerns have been heard.

9. Ask for public commitment. Remind the group that it’s ok to disagree in private, but you expect everyone to support the decision in public.  Set the expectation that the team will present a unified front now that the conflict has been resolved.

10. Finally, congratulate the team.  Thank them for working together to find a solution.

Institutionalizing Constructive Conflict

The first time through the process will probably be difficult.  There will be tension and disagreement.  But keep yourself and the participants focused on the ultimate objective – a resolution to the conflict.  You’ll get better with practice.  Here are a couple suggestions for making constructive conflict part of your organization’s DNA.

Set the expectation.  By modelling the behavior of constructive conflict resolution, you set an expectation that conflicts should be resolved in a way that respects the points of view of all parties and that looks for win/win solutions.  Encourage the team to own the process by asking them how to improve it for the next time. You can also reinforce the approach as you coach individual employees and conduct 1-on-1 meetings.

Define appropriate team norms.  I believe that establishing team norms is one of the most powerful ways to influence the behavior of an organization.  A great example of team norms that address conflict comes from Belay.  Co-founders Bryan and Shannon Miles defined three “conflict norms”². These have been in use since 2017 and have created a culture where healthy debate is encouraged:

• “Hunt the elephant.”  Address the actual problem. Instead of dancing around the issue, don’t be afraid to state what the “big white elephant” in the room is.
• “Welcome the contrarian.”  Play devil’s advocate on ideas, process changes, etc. Help us look at things from all angles. Don’t be a “yes-man.”
• “The TSA Rule”. See something, Say something: If something just doesn’t seem right, say something. It could be nothing, but it could be something!

Conclusion…and an offer

There is much more that can be said on how to manage conflict.  In this short article, I’ve only scratched the surface.  Future articles will explore other aspects of conflict management and some of the other techniques and approaches available. 

Today’s key takeaway is this:  In order to be a successful manager, you need to deliver results. One way to help your team deliver is to create an environment where conflicts are handled in a constructive way that focuses on the problems to be solved, not the personalities or people involved.

The offer

This article stresses the importance of establishing team norms, as mentioned in another recent article. If you would like some help with creating new norms or evaluating your current ones, send me a note using the Contact Form. I’ll be happy to schedule a 45 minute Zoom call, at no charge, to help you plan how to define, or redefine, your team norms. Don’t wait, though. This offer is good through Monday, June 1, 2020.

To your success,

Mike

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Footnotes

¹ I heard Bryan and Shannon Miles speak about their company during an interview on episode 408 of the “Smart Passive Income” podcast. You can hear their thoughts on managing conflict beginning at the 35:00 point.

²   A big “thank you” to Hope Ward at Belay for providing the exact text of the conflict norms.