Forget Networking – Build Relationships Instead

Introduction

Let me start with a confession:  I don’t like “networking”.  You probably don’t like it either.  In over forty years in business, I can’t recall meeting a single person who said they liked “to network”, even though many of us would say we needed to be better at it.  Using “networking” as a verb is an example of re-purposing words that depersonalize our working environments and the people who inhabit them.  (Another example is saying “resources” when we mean “the people who work for us”.)

As managers, we understand it’s necessary to create connections with others in order to move projects forward, explore business opportunities and further our career interests.  Whatever your objective, you probably need some other people to help you achieve it.  But “networking” as we usually think about it  – mingling over hors d’oeuvres and trading business cards, or collecting LinkedIn connections – is a superficial activity that does little to form bonds between people.

So let’s forget about “networking”. We can give the term back to IT to describe how they build the wiring and pipes to move bits and bytes around the world.  Let’s talk about building relationships with people.

It’s a good time to rethink this activity.  If you didn’t like “networking” before the COVID-19 pandemic, social distancing and working remote have made it more difficult and more necessary.  Our opportunities to have casual hallway conversations or to have lunch together may be very limited.  We have to find new ways to interact and communicate effectively using tools like Zoom, Skype and telephone calls. 

The importance of relationships

In order to be a successful manager – to deliver the results expected by your organization…and then some – it’s important to establish good working relationships with your employees, team members, stakeholders and others in the company.  Good working relationships are built on trust, open communication and a commitment to shared objectives.

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You can read about related ideas in earlier articles, including establishing a set of personal values, conducting 1-on-1 meetings and establishing team norms. 

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When we establish good working relationships, we begin to understand the knowledge, capabilities, aspirations and preferences of the people we work with.  As managers, we are constantly trying to balance the needs of the work with the needs of the people doing the work.  

Spending time getting to know our employees gives us insight into the skills and interests they have that go beyond their current role.  If we know an employee has specific skills unrelated to their job, it can help us when the need for such skills arise. 

And knowing that an employee is interested in a particular area makes it much easier to help him or her get the right assignments to pursue that interest.  

In addition to learning about other people, we often need to learn from other people.  We need the benefit of their knowledge and expertise to supplement our own.  There are always things we can learn from others.  If you are in a new role or have joined a new company, you may need to learn about the organization –  its history, personality, ways of operating.  There might be a company manual that explains some of it, but other people in the organization can provide perspectives and nuances that would never appear in print.  When problems arise that are outside your own subject matter expertise, your ability to know who to call for an answer can save you time, money and frustration.

There is so much more that could be said about why it’s important to build strong working relationships.  Many books have been dedicated to the subject.  In “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”*, Steven Covey provides useful guidance.  Covey uses the metaphor of an “Emotional Bank Account” to describe how trust is built up in a relationship.

If I make deposits into an Emotional Bank Account with you through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments to you, I build up a reserve.  Your trust toward me becomes higher, and I can call on that trust many times if I need to.  I can even make mistakes and that trust level, that emotional reserve, will compensate for it.  

But if I have a habit of showing discourtesy, disrespect, cutting you off, overreacting, ignoring you,, becoming arbitrary, betraying your trust, threatening you, or playing little tin god in your life, my Emotional Bank Account is overdrawn.  The trust level gets very low.¹

Covey says that trust built up in the Emotional Bank Account is the basis for creating Win/Win relationships.  

A relationship where bank accounts are high and both parties are deeply committed to Win/Win is the ideal springboard for tremendous synergy.  That relationship neither makes the issues any less real of important, nor eliminates the differences in perspective.  But it does eliminate the negative energy normally focused on differences in personality and position and creates a positive, cooperative energy focused on thoroughly understanding the issues and resolving them in a mutually beneficial way.²

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How to get started

One of the reasons people dislike “networking” is because it seems like an activity without a clear purpose or outcome.  It can seem like a waste of valuable time.  But by reframing the activity as building relationships with people, it becomes part of your management agenda. You can identify clear goals, like building connections and learning. 

Here are some actionable ideas on how to start building effective relationships.

Identify your objectives.  What do you want to know about your employees or colleagues?  What do you need to learn?  Are you initiating a conversation to build a new relationship or do you want to deepen an existing one?  If you’re new in your manager role, or new to the organization, you may be interested in just getting acquainted with the people around you.  If you’ve been there a while, you may want to seek advice and counsel from a knowledgeable colleague.

Think about who you want to meet and talk with.  Who do you need to know better or learn from?  Start with the people with whom you work most closely and expand your circle over time.

Be clear about your intentions.   Have a preliminary conversation with the people you want to talk to.  For an introductory meeting, it could be something like this:

We are going to be working together.  I want that to be a good experience for both of us.  I work better when I know something about the people I’m working with, so I’d like to schedule some time to get better acquainted.

Set an agenda, even an informal one.   Pick specific topics to discuss.  These can include “getting to know you better”.  That could be the entire meeting – 30 minutes over coffee.  Or it could be the first 15 – 20 minutes of a longer meeting that covers other items.  The point is you’re not taking up someone’s time just to shoot the breeze.  Here are some topics you could include in a first meeting:

• Introductions.  I will give you a brief summary of my career and interests, and will ask you to introduce yourself to me.
• Our work here at <company>.  I’ll tell you about how I view my role and responsibilities and would like to know about yours.
• Your expectations of me as a colleague.  How can I best support you?  How will we work together effectively?  Where do you see our responsibilities overlapping or intersecting?
• Our families and outside interests.  I’ll tell you about mine and hope you’ll share something about yours.
• Other topics of mutual interest.  Anything else you think I should know about the company, our work, etc.

The last item could include a discussion of work styles and preferences.  You could ask questions like “How do you prefer to communicate?”, “How much detail do you like to see in reports?” or even “What irritates you at work? (So I won’t do it!)”

Note that in most of these items, you are volunteering information first.  This is a discussion, not an interrogation.  You need to demonstrate your willingness to share details about yourself in order to let the other person feel comfortable about telling you their story. 

Put it on the calendar.  Schedule your conversations just like you would any other meeting.  Again, forget the concept of “networking”.  You’re simply having another meeting.

Pick a location that is conducive to conversation.  If you can meet face-to-face, pick a location that offers appropriate social distancing as well as some privacy.  When an in-person meeting is not possible, use the tool you are most familiar with (Zoom, Skype, Google Meet, etc.) 

Send a follow up note.  Thank the person for their time and recap any decisions you made together.  “I enjoyed our conversation and look forward to working with you.”

Schedule a follow-up conversation.  Building a relationship is not a “one and done” activity.  Pick a time to get back together to continue the discussion.  With your employees, this could be part of your regular 1-on-1 meetings.  With colleagues or other stakeholders, it could be every other week or monthly.  Invest the time to nurture and grow the relationship.

Conclusion…and an offer

Building strong relationships with your employees, colleagues and stakeholders should be an important part of every manager’s agenda.  By following the steps above, you can get started right away with a clear purpose in mind.

The offer

My last article covered establishing team norms. If you and your team have recently changed where and how you work because of the COVID-19 pandemic, now is a good time to evaluate your team norms. If you’d like some help with the evaluation, send me a note using the Contact Form. I’ll be happy to schedule a 45 minute Zoom call, at no charge, to help you plan how to define, or redefine, your team norms.

To your success,

Mike

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Footnotes

¹ Steven R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People* (New York, Fireside, 1990) p. 188.

² Ibid, p. 221.

* This link is direct to Amazon.com. At the time of this writing (May, 2020), I receive no affiliate payment if you buy a copy. If that changes in the future, I’ll let you know.